In October, something terrible happened: my husband and I suffered a miscarriage. It was my worst nightmare, something that I had never believed would happen to us. My family back in the UK expressed their regrets about how they couldn’t be here for me. Some people were supportive, others distant or saying the wrong things, unintentionally causing more harm. It was stressful having to tell everybody the bad news since we’d excitedly told everyone we were expecting a baby. I almost spiraled into depression. Almost.
The thing is, after this terrible loss, something awoke inside me. I suddenly had the urge to fight back. Not the doctor, not my husband, and not myself, but at something. I suddenly became the most motivated person on the planet.
I had been in a writing slump for a couple of years. When I was 22, I got a publishing deal with a startup publishing house. It was a dream come true, but it quickly deteriorated. With horrible staff, little to no budget, and a bunch of people who had no idea what they were doing, I quickly cut ties with them and asked them to unpublish the two fantasy novels of mine that they had published. I felt like I’d missed my chance at being a writer, and it put me off for ages, my confidence destroyed.
Although I did self-publish a short story, The Queen’s Alchemist, for fun and published A Bard’s Lament on this blog, I had lost my love and passion for writing – the sheer joy of creation. I’ve written about writing and publishing, and also did a ton of work for HubPages, but I’d lost my love for fiction. It was very sad.
Somehow, this disaster has kicked me back into action.
I wrote about how making a to-do list can change your life. It really can. Recently, I’ve been waking up early and doing a ton of work: proofreading, writing, tweeting, blogging, research. I’m working on a new novel which I feel really confident about; it’s easily the best thing I’ve written and I’m hoping to finish it before the end of the year and send it to beta readers. I’m proofreading novels for other writers, writing more articles for extra income, and taking care of my husband and our home more efficiently, too, as well as working hard at my day job.
Today, by 10:00am, I had already finished several tasks I had planned, exercised and showered, and gotten started with other tasks that I hadn’t expected to do until the afternoon. Past me wouldn’t even be awake yet.
I’m not saying what happened was a good thing. I will be sad about it forever. But I suppose that phrase “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” is true.